It’s tough to tell what Cam Newton likes more: Scoring touchdowns or dancing after he scores touchdowns. It’s also tough to tell if that makes Cam Newton more or less popular – probably because it’s definitely a lot of both.
Here at Blooperman, our stance is if you want to celebrate the fact you’re in the end zone and still breathing it’s cool. That seems like it would be pretty hard to do, what with the likelihood of near-instantaneous death should a normal human set foot on an NFL field. So by all means, express your genuine, childlike joy. Or, just do a bunch of stupid stuff to make people look at you more. Whatever. They’re close to the same thing anyway.
The point is, you’re not gonna stop, and we’re not gonna stop watching. Or judging! So, without further ado, let’s examine Cam Newton, the entertainer:
No. 8 – The Salute
- Reason it’s cool: If this were the first time you’d seen Cam Newton, you’d think: Solid salute, oh, and what was that? Some kind of controlled body spasm? Is he OK? He’s just happy? That’s a fun moment then.
- Reason it’s not: You’ve seen Cam Newton a million times, and The Superman? Again? Sigh.
No. 7 – The Giddy With Anticipation
- Reason it’s cool: He actually does seem legitimately happy, and it’s not Cam’s fault the camera’s on him even though he didn’t actually do the scoring.
- Reason it’s not: The camera’s on him even though he didn’t actually do the scoring. And he seems to know it.
No. 6 – The Prime Time
- Reason it’s cool: Deion Sanders started in Atlanta, and his trademarked touchdown dance is still the gold standard for NFL cool. So Cam Newton paying homage to Prime Time is a nice show of respect.
- Reason it’s not: An opponent doing the Prime Time in Atlanta could also be interpreted as just being a taunting dick.
No. 5 – The ?
- Reason it’s cool: Well, Cam looks like he knows what he’s doing, and since he’s the face of pop culture the fact that we have no idea says more about us than him.
- Reason it’s not: He might just be making something up on the fly. Come on, man, we thought you were a professional.
No. 4 – The Hot Foot
- Reason it’s cool: This actually seems kind of genuinely spontaneous. Plus, we’re taking a break from Cam doing stuff against the Atlanta Falcons. Christ, how many times has he scored on them anyway?
- Reason it’s not: Celebrating against the Dolphins? Isn’t that like kicking a puppy?
No. 3 – The Leprechaun
- Reason it’s cool: Major points for originality and execution. Plus, it takes some guts.
- Reason it’s not: Actually, we’re having trouble coming up with reasons this isn’t cool. Could be Cam’s finest dancing hour.
No. 2 – The Extended Dance Mix
- Reason it’s cool: Nice, tight choreography. Perfectly executed taunt dab right in defender’s face who should have kept him out of the end zone if he didn’t like it.
- Reason it’s not: Nice, tight choreography. Perfectly executed taunt dab right in defender’s face who should have kept him out of the end zone if he didn’t like it.
No. 1 – The Swim
- Reason it’s cool: Much like Carolina going 15-1 in 2015, nobody had any idea it was coming. Breaking out a fad dance from the ’60s on the Panthers’ first Thanksgiving Day game ever was a pretty solid way to announce the franchise to a national audience.
- Reason it’s not: There are some unenlightened cavemen out there who don’t associate manly NFL quarterbacks with teenage girl dances, but those cavemen are also the ones who don’t understand manly NFL quarterbacks dressing like a Mary K saleswoman about to sign the Declaration of Independence, either. Times are changin’, man!