Mexican drug cartels vs. ISIS? We’d watch it twice

Geez, this terrorist organization can't seem to get along with anybody

World's most wanted drug lord.

Contrary to popular belief, ‘El Chappo’ doesn’t mean ‘little buddy.’

“Is ‘‘ a reliable news source?” some of you may ask. Well, let us ask you something: Is it on the Internet? Then the answer is obviously yes. is reporting that infamous Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzmán, otherwise known as El Chapo, sent an email to ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, otherwise known as El Asshole, with a polite request that his ultra-conservative, religious-fanatic band of lunatics stop disrupting drug shipments through the region. “You [ISIS] are not soldiers. You are nothing but lowly p*ssies. Your god cannot save you from the true terror that my men will levy at you if you continue to impact my operation,” El Chapo supposedly wrote. “My men will destroy you. The world is not yours to dictate. I pity the next son of a wh*re that tries to interfere with the business of the Sinaloa Cartel. I will have their heart and tongue torn from them.”

Turns out, when they’re not cutting off hands for stealing dates or dousing women with acid for exposing ears, some rich Middle Easterners like to do a lot of blow for fun. Surprisingly, ISIS isn’t a fan of anyone having fun and has been actively going after drug smugglers. Looks like somebody’s about to learn a thing or two about decapitation…

The only person who should fear this news more than al-Baghdadi is Donald Trump, who has already seen El Chapo shave 10 points off his lead in Iowa.