Humanity Possibly Doomed Now That Wild Boars Can Attack By Land AND Sea

Introduction by humans has been blamed for the rapid spread of the destructive wild boar, which is taking over the earth. But now it’s time to consider another, far more terrifying possibility: They’re using the water.

That’s right. This wild boar literally emerges from the ocean to launch its attack, which it’s safe to say humanity never saw coming. We could debate all day on whether or not these people were foolish for going to the beach without their own wild boar, but the fact remains this Satanic death pig showed zero ill effects from its diabolical aquatic hunting voyage and was able to immediately begin kicking ass all over the place once on dry land.

According to reports, the surprise ruthless rampage happened in the Polish resort village of Karwia, on the Baltic Sea. In bitter irony, terrified vacationers can be heard shouting “let’s go into the water!” to escape the slaughter. There was a time that may have done some good.

Here’s a link to a map of the Baltic Sea, because you’re Americans and we realize you have absolutely no idea where that is. As you can see, the Baltic Sea is most likely very far from your house, but as much as we disdain irrational panic your only real choice is to urinate on yourself, tell your wife you love her, and wait to die. Because now this thing can swim.


Wild boars are native to Europe, Asia and Africa but have been introduced to North America, South America and Australia, where they’ve spread rapidly. They can weigh more than a thousand pounds, and, apparently, are also voracious carnivores living only for the sweet taste of tender flesh.