Let’s face it: Ceremonial first pitches are a gold mine of immature humor for smarmy wussies who have never had to stare down the barrel of 60 feet, six inches with the world watching. For a pathetic example, just look what these losers did recently, taking potshot after potshot at people whose only crime was being famous and/or being really shitty at throwing a baseball.
That’s why it’s time to defend Snoop Dogg for the heat he’s taking for this first pitch at Petco Park in San Diego. Sure, Snoop hit the bull as the announcer noted with a tone we didn’t care for, but once you get past the near-maimings there are a lot of positives. First, Snoop likely practiced off a mound as any real man would, yet when he goes out there they’ve got him set up in the grass in front like he’s the retiring treasurer of the local rec league. Second, the airline clearly lost his luggage, leaving Snoop with only some loaned grandma walking hightops on which to explosively drive his hips.
Who among us could overcome these obstacles and throw a strike? But none of that stopped Snoop from delivering with some impressive velocity and athleticism. See for yourself:
He could have looked like this, after all, in a movie where his main role is to look like he knows how to play baseball: