The Top Six Tom Brady Tackle Fails Of All Time

He might be the greatest player in NFL history, so this honor was only natural

Have you ever wondered what you’d look like trying to bring down an NFL ballcarrier? Wonder no more. With a football in his hand and Bill Belichick on the sideline, Tom Brady seems more god than man. Faced with the task of tackling a world-class athlete, however, and Brady reverts to that old guy at the Y wearing a headband and two knee braces on the treadmill. We present, the top six Tom Brady tackle fails of all time.

We wouldn’t be such haters if Brady wasn’t a big cheater whose wife presumably wears things like this to make dinner, but he leaves us with no choice. Tom Brady has 11 career tackles, nearly as many career missed tackles, and a startling number that are both at the same time. We present our updated list of Tom Brady’s greatest non-hits:

No. 6 – Dec. 6, 2012

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One of Tom Brady’s 11 career “tackles.”

Amazingly, this is Brady’s best worst defensive play because technically it’s a tackle. Carlos Rogers was somehow taken down by Brady’s elbow wind as Brady focused solely on saving his own life, and adding insult to injury the 49ers didn’t score from the 6 because of a fumble moments later.

No. 5 – Oct. 14, 2012

2012 wasn’t a good year for Brady on the defensive side of the ball, as this near double-whiff on Seahawks safety Earl Thomas illustrates nicely. In a cruel twist of fate, falling to the ground in the fetal position left Brady in perfect position for a second chance at a tackle (click here to see the rest of the play). “What? No!” Brady was undoubtedly thinking when he looked up to see if the coast was clear, only to find Thomas somehow again barreling his way. But nobody eludes Tom Brady twice!

No. 4 – Nov. 24, 2013

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Hey, you never know – that elbow thing has worked before.

Denver linebacker Von Miller is a beast of a man even by NFL standards, so it’s probably better for everyone that Brady just gave this one the ol’ elbow-wind try. Perhaps fearing they, too, would be irretrievably sucked into Brady’s shame spiral, Miller’s teammates felt so sorry for this clearly terrified and harmless man nobody even tried to block him.

No. 3 – Aug. 15, 2014

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Elbow wind fails again.

OK, this is a preseason game, but that’s what makes this non-tackle so much more impressive: We’ve been unable to find an instance where Brady tried harder to make a defensive play, and he did it for literally no reason at all except perhaps to lay the wood on Cary Williams for calling the Patriots a bunch of cheaters. Another fail by a mortal man against a world-class athlete, but there is a silver lining: Williams pulled a hammy on the play.

No. 2 – Dec. 6, 2015

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Many a kicker has felt Brady’s pain.

Tom Brady reportedly thinks a Donald Trump presidency “would be great.” We can only assume that’s because Trump promised to deport Eagle safety Malcolm Jenkins for putting Brady through an industrial washing machine spin cycle during this 99-yard interception return. Like No. 3 on the list, Brady is definitely giving max effort here, which is both impressive and sad considering how not close he was of ever stopping this touchdown. But at least he tried. Unlike …

No. 1 – Dec. 16, 2012

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Everyone seems to have reached a gentlemen’s agreement here.

In perhaps Brady’s most impressive display of athleticism, he pulls off the remarkable feat of avoiding nearly all contact on a play in which he was positioned to blow up about four people. This is Brady in all of his everyman glory. This is the worst defensive play of his career. This is the greatest Tom Brady tackle fail. Will it ever be topped? Only time will tell.